Parenting is more often based on principles than hard and fast rules.
But in our household there was one absolute: Don’t even think about feeling sorry for yourself.
It’s not an easy rule to enforce. A child with an illness or serious allergies is a pity-magnet. He can’t eat ice cream like all the other kids. She can’t go out for pizza with her friends.
Grandparents, neighbors, other kids’ parents, even teachers are quick to point out how tough it must be for your child, how awful they must feel having to eat homemade food out of lunchbox when all the other kids at the birthday party are feasting on gloriously decorated cake and cookies.
And they’re right, of course. But so what? What good does it do a kid to feel like disadvantaged and denied? Does it help your child cope with his medical issues? Or does it just breed sadness and a sense of fatalism?
Our oft-repeated mantra during the tough times: Having allergies is no different than having blue eyes or brown hair. It’s just who you are, and we all have to deal with who we are, every single day.
They were words my daughter sometimes didn’t appreciate hearing. She said I was mean and unsympathetic. It probably seemed that way to her, and to others. But I just kept telling myself: What good am I her if I view her as someone to feel sorry for rather than someone who can rise above it all, carry on and have a wonderful life.
In hindsight, I’m glad that pity had no place in her childhood. And as she has grown-up, she’s even thanked me for it.
For a parent, it doesn’t get any better than that.
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